I lost something this weekend, and I'm not sure why it bothers me so much. It wasn't valuable, and it's easy to replace - but for some reason I'm still thinking about it. It came into my life a few years ago, an afterthought - not something I sought out or was even interested in. But it came along as a package deal - it was bundled with something else that I care about deeply. I own a lot of them now, but this one was my first - and it was always my favorite. I treated it with care - not like the others I own.
This weekend it bounced out of my life just as easily as it had bounced in two summers ago. When I realized it was gone, it was too late. I could try to go back for it, hoping it would still be in some kind of salvageable state - but it just wasn't worth the effort. So why is it still in my head? At a party last night a friend told me that she had seen it earlier in the day - she must have come by shortly after it bounced away from me. Hearing that made me think that maybe I should have gone back for it - tried to save what was left of it after the abuse it most certainly received.
I have some obsessive compulsive tendencies. I don't like to modify things - my car has the factory stereo in it still even though it sucks! I fill my candy dish with peppermints not because I like them (though I do) but because that's what came in the dish when I received it. I collect complete sets of things - god help me I own every R. Kelly album ever released - and they have all been shit since 1994! And I don't like to lose things.
But why am I spending so much time thinking about a piece of plastic? Why do I worry about this one, when I have a dozen others - and it's already been replaced?
Maybe I don't like to lose. Maybe I'm just crazy. I don't know - but next time I'm turning around just to make sure.